THE THINGS I’M NOT AT ALL KEEN ON
Parts Of Reality I Don’t Like
I don’t like coming across children being naughty and the parent is telling the child off but I don’t want people thinking that I’m blaming the parent for that. It’s just that when I’m out I worry in case I hear someone shout as it bothers me which is why I don’t go out very often even though I know walking is very good exercise. What I would never do though is get involved because I know I’d be doing the right thing if I mind my own business which is what you’re supposed to do, however I do like coming across children having fun and being well behaved.
I don’t like hearing about children wanting something straight away and sulking because they are having to wait till later. I am sick and tired of kids being naughty and arguing with their parents and driving them potty. I really do wish brothers and sisters as children would stop quarrelling with each other and constantly be nice to each other and share things with each other. I also don’t like kids pretending to be ill so they can skip school.
I think I share something in common with the singer, Mika because I read something about him in one of my Q magazines where he said that much of what he does exists in fantasy and that he doesn’t face certain realities. I do identify quite strongly with that. Although he did also say that other pop stars make him want to vomit. Either that or they just put it in the magazine. I don’t have that problem.
I personally was expecting the world to be a much happier place after I heard a Christmas song from 2008 called ‘Once Upon a Christmas Song’ by one of Peter Kay’s alter egos, Geraldine McQueen because it features the line in it, “The world seems a happier place”. Very unhealthy thing for me to do I say. I mean I’ve heard of expecting too much but that was ridiculous.
The things I would love to see
If parents are talking to their kids about something and the kids are not interested, I’d rather they felt like saying that they don’t care but at the same time they would worry about sounding too ridiculous.
I’d rather if a kid was out somewhere with his parents and that kid was bored, he would feel like saying I want to go home but not repeat himself or want to get on their nerves and spoil their day.
Films that put me off
I’ve recently started to detest a lot of films. I really dislike the ones where someone has been arrested for a crime that they didn’t commit and ones where a young couple are seeing each other and the girl’s Mum or Dad is not happy with her about it and that they don’t like the man she is seeing and that she’s locked in her room for it and also ones where a man’s girlfriend is being kidnapped and he’s on a mission to save her and people think he’s the villain.
I wish I never went to see Spiderman 1 with my Nan and Granddad in August 2002 but what made me go was Nan telling me that I’d wish I had seen it if I didn’t go but obviously she was wrong. I also don’t like films where a woman is interested in a man just because he’s rich.
Bits of films that put me off
I dislike the bit where in ‘Toy Story 1’ Woody is in the moving van and a dog named Scott has got Buzz and Woody gets the toy racing car out and gets it out of the van to try and get Buzz back and the toys are horrified and thinking that he was at it again so they throw him off for that because before he previously knocked Buzz out of the window in the old house.
I dislike the bit where in the 1971 version of the film ‘Charlie And The Chocolate Factory’ it said on the news that the fifth and final ticket has been found and Grandpa Joe asks Mrs. Bucket to turn it off and then he says, “Well that’s that, no more golden tickets”. The next day Charlie comes home from school hears someone say that in the paper there was the fifth ticket fraud and Charlie has the chocolate bar and he finds the last ticket. Then he rushes home to his family and I dislike the bit where he screams with excitement and says that he found the last ticket and Grandpa Joe says, “You’re pulling our leg Charlie, there aren’t anymore golden tickets”.
I also hate the bit where in ‘101 Dalmatians’ the two dogs are taken for a walk in the park and Pongo gives word to the Great Dane that their 15 puppies have been stolen and Roger says, “Quiet boy!” and soon both dogs run away to find them and near the end of the film Roger says that he can’t understand why they did run away. It’s misunderstandings like that in films, which I detest but I do understand that’s what makes them interesting.
The kind of television I hate
The programmes Emmerdale, Eastenders and Coronation Street absolutely drive me insane and I’m trying to avoid every single reference to them and what’s going on in them because they’re driving me that mad, especially the most down sides about them like court cases not working out, relationships not working out, victims being kidnapped and tied to chairs and gagged, the mother or the father of a teenaged girl finding his or her daughter in the living room with a male adult and that they’re embarking on a relationship, people dying, couples breaking up, innocent people being accused of something they didn’t do and being sent to prison, men getting dumped, love triangles, weddings fiascoes, parents forbidding their daughters from seeing their boyfriends, things like that. I get very stressed if I come across a reference to any of those programmes even though I know the idea is not to care because they’re only photographs and they can’t hurt me.
Valentine’s Day is the day I’m trying to avoid the soaps most because of the tragic love stories and love triangles and relationship break ups, which always seem to feature on that day. This means I get anxious towards Valentine’s Day. Although I don’t like the storylines in the soaps I don’t dislike the actors in them. I don’t like it when the woman is mad at the man but I very much understand that it’s only acting. I can fully appreciate people watching them because they like them but they’re not for me. I was well pleased when I heard that ‘The Bill’ was being axed.
Comedy Stand Up DVD’s I’m Sticking To Watching
1. Dara O Briain talks funny: Live in London = 2008
2. Frankie Boyle Live = 2008
3. Michael McIntyre: Live & Laughing = 2008
4. Russell Howard Live = 2008
5. Ed Byrne: Pedantic & Whimsical = 2006
6. Sean Lock Live = 2008
7. Michael McIntyre: Hello Wembley = 2009
8. Ed Byrne: Different Class = 2009
9. Andy Parsons = Britain’s Got Idiots = 2009
10. Russell Howard = Live Dingledoodies = 2009
11. Jason Manford Live = 2009
12. Rhod Gilbert and the Award-Winning Mince Pie = 2009
13. Dara O Briain Live At the Theatre Royal = 2006
14. Ardal O Hanlon: Live in Dublin = 2007
15. Dylan Moran: What It Is Live = 2009
16. Al Murray The Pub Landlord: Beautiful British Tour Live At The O2 = 2009
17. Ross Noble: Nobelism = 2009
18. Stephen K Amos: Find The Funny Live = 2009
19. Bill Maher Live: I’m Swiss = 2009
20. Ross Noble: Fizzy Logic = 2007
